They say
“Why them and not me?”
Your response
“The decision was based on the role’s requirements. I’ll explain where you met them and where the selected candidate showed more of what the role required. I won’t discuss private details, but I will give you a clear comparison.”
First, check this
Can you explain the selection using the same job-related criteria for both people, without relying on vague fit language or private information?
Why this works
The employee is asking for a comparison, so repeating only their own development gaps is not enough. The manager should explain the relevant difference using the role’s criteria while keeping unrelated personal information private. This gives the employee a real account of the decision without criticizing the selected person or pretending confidentiality prevents any comparison at all.
Don’t say
“They were simply a better fit.”