They say
What to say when an employee refuses to work with a coworker: “I refuse to work with them.”
When an employee refuses to work with a coworker, first determine whether they are describing ordinary conflict, possible misconduct, or a safety concern. Misconduct or safety concerns require the appropriate escalation route, not a normal conflict script.
Your response
“Before we discuss the work, I need to understand the reason for your refusal. Are you describing ordinary conflict, possible misconduct, or a safety concern? What happens next depends on that answer.”
First, check this
Does anything the employee has said suggest harassment, retaliation, threats, discrimination, other misconduct, or a physical or psychological safety concern?
Possible misconduct or a safety concern
Misconduct or safety concerns require the appropriate escalation route, not a normal conflict script.
Ordinary conflict or distrust
Why this works
A refusal may arise from an ordinary breakdown in the working relationship, but it may also be a warning that normal conflict advice is unsafe or inappropriate. The manager must identify which situation they are dealing with before pressing for cooperation. Credible misconduct or safety concerns require the organization’s proper reporting and escalation process. Only an ordinary conflict should continue to the related page about what the employee has already tried.
Don’t say
“You don’t get to choose who you work with.”
If they push back again
“It’s nothing serious. I just can’t stand working with them.”
You could say
Then I won’t force a close partnership tomorrow. The work between you still has to happen, so let’s agree what each of you needs from the other and how handoffs will work.
After the conversation
- Speak to the coworker separately within a few days and hear their account before setting expectations for either person.
- Write down the handoffs and commitments you expect from each person, and send both of them the same version.
- If anything said later suggests misconduct or a safety risk, stop the ordinary process and report it through your organization’s formal route.
Questions managers ask
What should I do if the refusal involves harassment or a safety concern?
Don’t treat it as a conflict to manage on your own. Report it through your organization’s formal process, whether that’s HR, a designated contact or a safety reporting line, and follow its guidance on interim steps. Don’t investigate or mediate yourself, and don’t push the employee back into contact with the other person in the meantime.
Can I change who works together to settle an ordinary conflict?
You can, as a short-term step while you deal with behavior. If the change becomes permanent, the person who refused gets their way and the cause is never dealt with. Decide what both people must do differently before you change the arrangement for good.
What if I’ve been ignoring the friction between them for months?
Say that to both people and act now. Admitting you let it run too long makes your new standards more believable. Set out the behavior you need from each of them and a date to review it, and resist making up for lost time by suddenly blaming whoever complained most recently.