They say
What to say when an employee says they already tried talking to a coworker: “I already tried talking to them. Nothing changed.”
When an employee says they already tried talking to a coworker, ask what was said, how the coworker responded, and what happened afterward before deciding on a different intervention.
Your response
“Then telling you to try again is not enough. Tell me what you said, what they said, and what changed afterward. I’ll decide whether I need to join the conversation or set clearer expectations for both of you.”
First, check this
What did the employee actually try, and did the coworker understand both the concern and the change being requested?
Why this works
The employee may have made a clear, good-faith attempt, or may only have hinted at the problem and assumed it was understood. Asking what happened distinguishes those cases. If direct discussion has genuinely failed, repeating the same advice leaves the employee stuck. The manager can then choose a different step, such as joining the conversation or setting explicit expectations, while still examining each person’s conduct fairly.
Don’t say
“Well, you’ll just have to try talking to them again.”
If they push back again
“If you get involved, it’ll only make things worse.”
You could say
It might, if I handle it badly. I’ll talk to them on my own first and tell you before I do anything else. Leaving it as it is isn’t working either.
After the conversation
- Meet the coworker on your own within the week and hear their account before you decide on any joint conversation.
- Set out the behavior you expect from both people in the same words, and tell each of them separately.
- Tell the employee what you did and when you’ll check whether anything has changed.
Questions managers ask
Should I mediate between two employees myself?
You can for ordinary disagreements about work, if both people are willing and you can stay even-handed. Meet each of them separately first. If you’re already seen as closer to one of them, or the issue might be misconduct, use HR or a trained mediator.
What if I told them to sort it out themselves and that was a mistake?
Tell them, with something like “I left this with you too long.” Sending people back to resolve small frictions themselves is reasonable, and once someone has tried and failed, the problem is yours to act on. Admitting the delay also makes it easier for them to bring you the next problem sooner.
How long should I give two employees to resolve a conflict?
Two to four weeks is usually enough, provided each person has agreed what they’ll do differently. Check in with both separately at the end. If nothing has changed, move to the next step, such as a joint meeting or a formal process, and don’t simply extend the deadline again.