They say
What to say when an employee says you let someone else do it: “But you let them do it.”
When an employee says you let someone else do it, identify the standard applied to both cases and explain the relevant difference. If no difference justifies the decision, reconsider it.
Your response
“You’re right to question the difference. Let’s compare the two decisions against the same standard. If there isn’t a relevant difference, then I need to reconsider whether I’m being consistent.”
First, check this
Can you name the objective standard and the relevant difference between the two cases, or have you made inconsistent decisions?
Why this works
The employee is not necessarily asking for every personal detail about a colleague. They are asking why two apparently similar situations produced different decisions. The manager should explain the common standard and the relevant difference. If no difference justifies the outcome, confidentiality cannot be used to hide inconsistency.
Don’t say
“Their situation is none of your business.”
If they push back again
“I can’t check that, though. I just have to take your word.”
You could say
That’s true, and I can’t share everything about their case. I can tell you the standard and what made the difference. If I can’t explain it without hiding behind privacy, then I need to look at the decision again.
After the conversation
- Write down the standard you applied and the relevant difference between the two cases in two or three sentences.
- If there was no relevant difference, decide within a week whether to change this decision or the earlier one, and tell the employee which.
- If another manager made the earlier decision, talk to them and agree on one approach for cases like this.
Questions managers ask
Do I have to treat every employee exactly the same?
You have to apply the same standard and be able to explain any difference in outcome. Different history or circumstances can justify different decisions. Liking one person’s reason better can’t, unless you can say what made it better. If you can’t name the difference, treat the cases the same.
What if the other case was a mistake I shouldn’t repeat?
Say so, because repeating a mistake for the sake of consistency only spreads it. “I shouldn’t have allowed it then, and I’m not going to now” is honest. Tell the employee whether the earlier decision will be revisited, and apply the corrected standard to everyone from here on, including the person who got the earlier exception.
How do I explain a decision without breaking another employee’s confidentiality?
Describe the kind of difference and leave out the details. “Their request had a fixed external deadline that yours doesn’t” explains a lot without exposing anything private. Never share health or disciplinary information. If even the kind of difference would reveal something sensitive, say a relevant private reason exists and that you’d apply it to anyone.