They say
What to say when an employee says everyone else does it: “Other people do it too.”
When an employee says everyone else does it, acknowledge the consistency question, check whether the same standard applies across the team, and still address what happened here.
Your response
“You’re right to ask whether the same standard applies to everyone. I’ll check that. I also need to understand what happened here and what you’ll do differently.”
First, check this
Are you applying the same standard across the team, or addressing the behavior only when this employee does it?
Why this works
Another person’s conduct does not remove this employee’s responsibility, but inconsistent enforcement is still a legitimate concern. The response commits the manager to checking the standard without discussing private action involving other employees. It also keeps the current behavior in view. This page is about selective enforcement across the group; ‘Why are you singling me out?’ is about the manager’s pattern of attention toward one person.
Don’t say
“What other people do is none of your business.”
If they push back again
“So are you going to talk to them too?”
You could say
Yes, if I find the same thing. I won’t share what I say to other people, but you’ll see the standard applied. Right now, I want to agree what you’ll do differently.
After the conversation
- Within a week, check whether others on the team are doing the same thing, and address it with them individually if they are.
- If the standard isn’t written down anywhere, restate it to the whole team so nobody can say they didn’t know.
- Note what this employee agreed to change and the date you’ll look at it again.
Questions managers ask
What if the whole team really is doing it?
You have a team problem as well as an individual one, and you probably allowed it. Restate the standard to everyone, admit it hasn’t been enforced, and apply it from a clear date. You can still address this employee’s behavior, though going after one person for a widespread habit will look like selective enforcement.
Can I tell an employee I’ve disciplined their coworkers too?
Generally no, because other people’s disciplinary details are theirs. You can say the standard applies to everyone and that you act on it when you see it. Check your organization’s policy if you’re unsure, and make sure your actions match what you say, because the team will notice.
Should I address the team or the individual first?
Start with the individual in front of you, since that conversation has already begun. Then decide within a few days whether a team-wide reminder is needed. A team message sent first can look like a lecture aimed at one person, and delaying the individual conversation suggests the standard doesn’t really matter.