They say
“That’s how we talk around here.”
Your response
“If that is how the team normally talks, then I need to address the wider pattern. It does not excuse what happened here, and I still need you to change this behavior.”
01
First, check this
Have you tolerated, modeled, or rewarded this behavior elsewhere on the team?
02
Why this works
A common behavior can still be damaging or contrary to the standard the work requires. The employee may also be accurately describing a culture the manager has allowed. The response accepts responsibility for the wider pattern while keeping individual behavior in view. This page is about a normalized group habit; ‘Other people do it too’ is about whether a standard is being enforced consistently across individuals.
03
Don’t say
“I don’t care how people talk around here.”