They say
What to say when an employee says someone is too sensitive: “You’re being too sensitive.”
When an employee says someone is too sensitive, do not debate the other person’s sensitivity. Return to the specific behavior, the standard it must meet, and the change required.
Your response
“You don’t have to agree with their reaction. I do need you to change the behavior I’ve described. Tell me what you understand needs to be different next time.”
First, check this
Are you correcting observable conduct against a clear standard, or simply taking another employee’s side in a personal dispute?
Why this works
The affected person’s sensitivity is not the decision the manager needs to make. The manager must decide whether the behavior met a reasonable workplace standard and whether a change is required. The response prevents the employee from putting the other person on trial while still requiring a clear understanding of what must change. Unlike ‘I was only joking,’ this defense blames the recipient rather than explaining the speaker’s intent.
Don’t say
“Maybe they are sensitive, but you still need to apologize.”
If they push back again
“Nobody else has ever complained about it.”
You could say
Maybe not to me. One complaint is enough for me to look at the behavior, and I have. I still need you to tell me what you’ll do differently.
After the conversation
- Speak to the affected person separately to confirm what happened and what they need, without promising an outcome you can’t deliver.
- Write down the behavior and the change the employee agreed to, with the date.
- Watch over the next few weeks for any freezing-out of the person who raised it, and act quickly if you see it.
Questions managers ask
What if the person who complained really does overreact?
That still isn’t the question you need to answer. Decide whether the behavior met a reasonable standard for your workplace, judged as if anyone had been on the receiving end. If it did, tell both people so. If it didn’t, the other person’s reaction has no bearing on what needs to change.
How do I protect the person who raised the complaint?
Share no more about them than you have to, and tell the employee in clear terms that retaliation, including exclusion or comments to others, will be taken seriously. Check in with the person who raised it within a week. If you see signs of retaliation, act on them right away.
Should I make the employee apologize?
Don’t make it an order. A forced apology rarely helps the person affected and can make things worse. Ask for the behavior change first. If the employee offers an apology on their own, that’s useful, and if the affected person wants an acknowledgment, ask them whether a short private conversation would help.