They say
What to say when an employee says you only give negative feedback: “You only ever tell me what I’m doing wrong.”
When an employee says you only give negative feedback, acknowledge any lack of specific recognition, commit to correcting that pattern, and do not use it to avoid the feedback at hand.
Your response
“You may be right that I haven’t said enough about what is going well. I need to correct that. We still need to discuss the concern that brought us here.”
First, check this
Have you regularly named specific work this employee does well, or do you speak to them mainly when something is wrong?
Why this works
The employee may be accurately describing the manager’s feedback pattern. Owning that possibility does not cancel the current concern. It tells the employee that good work should be recognized specifically and that corrective feedback still matters. This page concerns the balance and frequency of feedback over time; the next page concerns whether a particular message sounded like a judgment of the person.
Don’t say
“That’s because there isn’t much positive to say.”
If they push back again
“You’re only saying that so I’ll accept the criticism.”
You could say
I can see why it sounds that way today. Judge me on what I do over the next month rather than what I say now. In the meantime, let’s deal with this concern.
After the conversation
- Tell the employee about one piece of good work each week for the next month, close to when it happens.
- Look back at your last few one-on-ones and count how many began with a problem.
- Keep praise and correction in separate conversations, so praise doesn’t become the cushion before criticism.
Questions managers ask
How often should managers give positive feedback?
Often enough that it isn’t a surprise, and soon enough that it’s about one piece of work they can remember. A weekly mention of something they did well is more useful than a long list at review time. The exact ratio matters less than whether the employee could name the last thing you praised them for.
Is the compliment sandwich a good way to give feedback?
Usually it isn’t. People learn to hear the praise as a warning that criticism is coming, which spoils both messages. Give recognition on its own, when the good work happens, and give corrective feedback directly. Each one is clearer when it isn’t being used to soften the other.
What if I only notice problems because the good work is invisible to me?
Change what you look at. Ask the employee what they’re proud of from the last month, ask colleagues or clients what they value in the employee’s work, and look at results as well as exceptions. A manager who only hears about escalations will see mostly problems unless they go looking for the rest.